I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
