I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
