is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
