My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
