so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
