The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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