There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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