He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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