yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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