I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
