I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
