Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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