I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
only if we run a train.
done.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
