dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
