normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
