I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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