So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
never play flip cup with pint glasses
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
