He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
FUCK WHALES
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
