i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
