Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
