No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize
