***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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