those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
just found out that she named her cat after me.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
