White coat. Heels.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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