Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
