I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Sorry about my life...
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
