Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
