your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
