I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
