That's intense
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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