i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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