I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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