The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
