Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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