Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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