She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
