Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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