Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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