She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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