I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
