Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
