Who wears a wallet chain?!
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
