if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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