There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
