On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
