the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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