The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
