Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
