Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I need to sanitize my soul.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
