I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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