FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
