one word: firstdatebathroomanal
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
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