tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
