I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
