shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
