it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
