Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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