meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
